Girl Out Loud by Emily Gale

Author:Emily Gale
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
Published: 2012-04-18T16:00:00+00:00

The doorway glows red, orange, green, and Mrs. Roach is tapping her inhaler on the desk to the beat of the music coming from inside.

My senses are alive. There’s the light rain on my face, the sound of tapping and of my breathing, and the sight of the moisture of my breath, and something new and awkward about me. The skin underneath my top heats up as if the feel of his hands will never go away, and I know that any minute I could cry, but that if I do, things will start to happen; people will come over and ask me why I’m crying and then I’ll have to tell them. I don’t think I can. What would I say?

I can’t go down the dark path now, the way he went, and I can’t stay out here, so I walk toward the lights.

“There you are, Kassidy,” says Mrs. Roach. “I couldn’t find any . . . what you said, but I did find three girls smoking, so thank you for being so helpful.”

“Sure,” I say. Red, orange, green. There are people on the dance floor now, glowing red-orange-green.

“Are you all right, dear?”

I can’t get enough air into my lungs and contemplate asking for a puff of Mrs. Roach’s inhaler.

“Kassidy?”

I think I say “Sure” again, and walk toward the red, orange, green. I can’t think straight. I’m here, I’m back there; it’s now, it’s five minutes ago, and I didn’t just let that happen.

Everything is ruined. I feel like crawling out of my own skin and hiding in a corner, but I’m supposed to sing now. I’m after this boy, Justin Timberlake. Dad waves from behind one of the giant speakers and jabs his finger toward the desk that Tony Ferrari is sitting at. Tony’s teeth glow red, orange, green. Suddenly Char is standing right in front of me and for a second she is covered in black spots because I’ve been staring at the lights so long, but I blink and they go away and it’s just Char, normal Char, the friendly face I need.

“You slut,” she says. Is she talking to me? Does she mean me? “Well?” She hates me. Char’s eyes really hate me. I think if I try to speak it will come out wrong. I should tell her what just happened; why can’t I tell her? No, Char, I am not; it’s not what you think. I just shake my head and say, “No.”

“I saw you,” she says. “In that alley with his hands up your top. You whore.” Do I imagine that she says, “Just like your mother”? I must.

“And give me back my fucking boots,” she says.

I look down.

“Give them back now.”

I can’t take them off here. Why is she saying this? I’m so confused. If she saw me, she must know I didn’t want to. I was pushing him away. She must have seen. So why is she saying this?

“Please, Char. It wasn’t like that.” My voice is like a whisper.

She

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